Bereavement

What is Bereavement?

Bereavement is the state of loss when someone close to an individual has died. A person’s response to grief will vary depending upon the circumstances of the death, but grief is a normal, healthy response to loss.

A wide and confusing range of emotions may be experienced after a loss. The bereaved may experience crying spells, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, or lack of productivity at work. At first, one may find it hard to accept that the loss has actually occurred. Feelings of anger may also arise. The anger may be directed toward doctors and nurses, other loved ones, oneself, or even the person who has died.

The grieving person may experience feelings of guilt, with sentiments such as “I should have…” “I could have…” “I wish I had…” Emotions may be very intense, and the bereaved person may have mood swings. These are all normal reactions to loss.

Recovering from grief

Recovery does not happen in a set period of time. In normal grief, symptoms will occur less often and will feel less severe as time passes. For most bereaved people having normal grief, symptoms lessen between six months and two years after the loss.

The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—was a model put forth by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. This model initially described people coming to terms with their own terminal illnesses, yet it spread to describe all forms of loss. Subsequent work has demonstrated that people grieve in different and varied ways—there is no one way, and no “right way,” to grieve.

The reaction to loss will, in part, be influenced by the circumstances surrounding it and one’s relationship to the deceased.

Grief vs. depression

Grief and depression can look similar—people in both situations may struggle with deep sadness, struggle to sleep and eat, and struggle to find enjoyment in life. Yet bereavement more often involves preoccupation with the loss and inability to accept the loss, while depression more often involves feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and suicidal thoughts. Another key distinction is that bereavement often leads a community to come together and provide support after a loss, while depression often encompasses isolation and disconnection.

Coping with bereavement

When experiencing bereavement it sometimes seems easier to avoid confronting these feelings, but working through sorrow and allowing yourself to express such feelings can help a you recover.

If you are having difficulty coping with a loss, it’s important to seek professional help. Counselling, which may occur in one-on-one settings with a professional or in a group context, can help someone experiencing normal grief work through the process by identifying the emotions connected to the loss, and illuminating ways to cope with the loss.

Other ways to cope include:

• talking about the death with others;
• accepting the normal feelings that come with loss;
• minding one’s own health and eating well;
• and celebrating the life of the deceased person.